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Happy First Contact

The Third World War was the final and most devastating of Earth’s wars. It lasted for roughly twenty-five years. To put that into some kind of context- that’s how old Timothy Chalamet is. So, for a duration of Timothy Chalamet, that’s how long the war lasted. Imagine how badly humans can hurt each other during…

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The First Time I Shit Myself

Was in October of 2001, and it’s complicated, as you’ll see. See, shortly after high school, I moved halfway across the country because I could not get away from my hometown fast enough. This turned out to be a very bad decision. Not even two months in, a cyst burst on one of my ovaries.…

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